quitting marijuana

2007-06-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since I posted. The past week has been a nightmare, to say the least. I found out something terrible that has made me realize I must reflect upon what is important in my life. I must do what I have to to be happy, I must accomplish my goals and keep moving in a positive direction. First and most important I must continue on my path to becoming clean and sober and not let this difficult time stand in the way. I feel guilty that yesterday; Sunday, June 17th I smoked one good size joint. I was only supposed to smoke 1\2 of a joint, but I let stress overcome my determination. Tonight I will not smoke anything and get back on track even if I can't sleep. I'm supposed to start school next Monday, June 25th and I must not let anything get in the way, I must be strong for myself. The past week I have taken about 15mg of Valium per day to deal with the stress. I hope I can relax, get back on track to where I and sleeping on a regular basis and can cut back further and than quit entirely. I must do this soon as I do not know what the future holds for me and my family. I have two P.E classes to take in summer school and than I start school in the fall. I'm going to be taking English 1A and Algebra II, I wish I could handle more than that but I think It will take about five hours per day for those classes. I guess that is all I have to say for right now and hopefully I can be strong over the next few months. God I need you help right now so if you do exist and I really hope you do, Please carry me through this difficult time in my life.

Quitting marijuana

2007-06-12T16:22:00.000-07:00

Monday night went well; I smoked 1/4 joint and fell asleep around 10:30 p.m. and slept until 6:30 a.m.. I have been doing pretty well I have not had much anxiety which I attribute to not drinking any coffee, and my body and mind getting used to not being drugged.

2007-06-11T02:44:00.000-07:00

I hate when I get stressed out....My wife is acting weird...I smoked 1\2 a joint on Friday night and slept well.....Saturday we went out of town and my wife is fucking with me because I have a my space, I just don't get it, I set it up because I've been bored and up late at night...The insanity of her just gets under my skin, and I don't know why it bothers me so much. Saturday night I smoked 1/2 a joint and fell asleep around 12:00 a.m and slept until about 6:30 a.m. I was tired all day. When I got home I laid around and fell asleep for a short time. Sunday night I took 15 mg of Valium and can not sleep. It is 3:00 a.m, my eyes are burning but I can not fall asleep. I'm going to lay down and hope I fall asleep soon.

2007-06-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Thursday night I smoked 1/4 of a joint and slept from about 10:15 p.m. to about 6:15 a.m.

2007-06-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post Thursday.....Wednesday night went well I took 10mg of Valium about 10:30 and slept about 8:00 hours straight....

quitting marijuana

2007-06-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night I smoked 1/2 a joint and fell asleep around 10:15 p.m. and slept until 6:30 a.m. it felt great to sleep a full 8 hours....I did not take any Valium....Tonight I will take 10mg. of Valium and not smome anything......

2007-06-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

It is 3:30 a.m. I woke up at 2:00a.m. and am having trouble sleeping....I took another 5mg. of Valium...I hope I fall asleep soon.....

quitting marijuana

2007-06-04T19:00:00.000-07:00

Today I feel pretty good....I won't smoke anything tonight and hope I can fall asleep without any Valium....The one side effect of me cutting back to 1/2 a joint every other day has been erectile dysfunction....That has never been a problem for me so I know my body is going through withdrawals....The indigestion seems to be gone, the anxiety is easing up and my sleep pattern is getting much better....A good night sleep is very important to me as it seems to help with the anxiety....My mind is not as sharp as when I was getting high...I'm forgetful and am looking forward to being able to think clearly and remember things better.....

quitting marijuana

2007-06-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I played a gig and got home around 12:30 a.m. I took 2.5 mg of Valium before I played because I was having a little anxiety....I took another 5 mg. at 1:00 a.m and fell asleep around 1:45....I woke up pretty early about 7:30 am...around10:30a.m.I had an anxiety attach and took 5mg of Valium and slept about an hour and half.....Sunday night I smoked 1/2 joint around 9:30 I fell asleep around 10:00p.m. and slept until 6:00 a.m.

quitting marijuana

2007-06-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Friday night I smoked 1/2 a joint and took 2.5 mg of Valium...I feel asleep at 11:00 p.m. and slept till 7:00 a.m......

quitting marijuana

2007-06-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

Things are going much better....I took 2.5 mg of Valium last night and less than 1/4 of a joint...I fell asleep at 10 p.m and slept great until 5:00 a.m. I'm hoping that with 3 nights in a row of great sleep the worst may be over.....I'm hoping by the end of the weekend to be back to normal....I think not drinking any coffee is helping.....So far no anxiety today....

quitting marijuana

2007-05-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm still at 1/2 a joint every other day.......and things are starting to get better...I smoked 1/4 of a joint last night, fell asleep around 10:30p.m Wednesday and woke up about 6:30 a.m Thursday.......I did not need any Valium.....I'm so glad about that.....I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks as my sleep schedule should get consistent and my Valium intake should become not a necessity to fall asleep ....I'm hoping I can get to where I'm only taking Valium a few times a month for my anxiety......I've pretty much quit drinking coffee to help with my anxiety......

quitting marijuana

2007-05-30T10:51:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night I took 5 mg of Valium around 10:30p.m Around 12:00 a.m I took another 5mg and fell asleep until 7:00 a.m so I have had two nights in a row with good sleep....I woke up feeling pretty good Wednesday morning not real groggy.......Today I feel a little anxious...Yesterday I had slight indigestion......and a little indigestion today......I have band practice tonight and feel anxious about that....

quitting marijuana

2007-05-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

Monday I got up around 10:00 a.m... I exercised and ran about a mile......I fell asleep around 9:30 p.m. I woke up at 1:30 a.m Took 5 mg of Valium and feel asleep immediately until 7:00 a.m. Tuesday.... It felt good to sleep at least 9 hours straight.....I'm very groggy this morning......I think my body wanted to keep sleeping to make up for all the lost sleep.......I forced myself to get up in hopes that I will fall asleep tonight and get a good night sleep.......We will see tonight......

Quitting Marijuana

2007-05-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

Monday I fell asleep around 11:00 p.m. and woke up about 1:30 a.m ...I did not go back to sleep until 6:00 a.m. ...... I forced myself to get up around 10:00 a.m. I have got to get on a regular sleep pattern.....

Marijuana addiction

2007-05-28T03:21:00.000-07:00

Things seem to be getting better....I slept from 5:00 a.m. Sunday to about 11:00 a.m and woke up feeling good....I was able to go for a mile run and a mile walk and was able to get some good exercising in. I did push ups and deep knee bends for about 30 minutes....The exercise is helping I think?......I can do 35 consecutive push ups at a time and about 40 consecutive deep knee bends......I'm going to try 40 consecutive push ups today....and 50 consecutive deep knee bends......I should exercising at least 1 1/2 hours per day......I used to be able to do 100 consecutive push ups but that was about 13 years ago......I took 10 milligrams of Valium at about 10:30 and fell asleep around 11:00 p.m....and woke up at 2:00 a.m....it is 3:30 a.m. Monday and hope I can fall back to sleep by 5:00 a.m. I set my alarm for 8:30 a.m. I really need to get on a normal sleeping schedule.....10:00 p.m to 6:00 a.m. would be great......I hope that quitting marijuana allows me to do that........I don't want to have to depend on Valium to fall asleep....I've noticed I don't feel like drinking much coffee anymore....Maybe a cup per day.....I was drinking about 3 cups per day....I've smoked a total of 4 joints in 2 weeks......I was smoking at least that much per day or more......I should be able to quit entirely within a couple of weeks or sooner...I've been smoking a 1/2 a joint every other day for 2 weeks now.....It has been 6 years that I did not go a day without at least 3-4 small joints per day....I can't believe how addicting pot is for me......I can't stand the feeling alcohol gives me...although last time I quit smoking marijuana I could drink beer and I felt fine.......I don't want to become an alcoholic after I quit pot.....I'm going to have to learn to cope without any drugs other than an occasional Valium for anxiety......I probably should see about trying something new for my anxiety and slight depression...... It is 4:00 a.m so I should be able to fall asleep by 5:00 a.m. I'm going to lay down now and hope I fall asleep soon.

I'm going to try and get some sleep

2007-05-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

It is almost 5:00a.m. time to try to sleep.....

I can't sleep

2007-05-27T04:08:00.000-07:00

I've gotton 2 1\2 hours sleep.......I'm exhausted, but I can't fall asleep...... it is 4:10 a.m......the sun will be coming up in less than two hours.....I guess I'll be sleeping this afternoon.....I'm so fortunate it is Memorial day weekend and I have nothing to do......I've tried to plan as little as I can for the next month, but I do have a few obligations I must attend to.....I really want to have a regular sleep pattern......I have indigestion again so I took a Pepcid AC they seem to work the best...Malox doesn't do a thing......I've planned summer school starting at the end of June.....If I can't get into a regular sleep pattern I may not be able to take a class.....it supposed to start at 8:00 a.m.....I only missed afew days of class last semester that started at 7:00 a.m and I was smoking a lot of pot....And got "A's" although I was taking only two classes.....and am fortunate to be able to do homework at work......

Marijuana addiction

2007-05-27T02:57:00.000-07:00

I feel asleep at about 11:30p.m and woke up at 2:00a.m I feel tired but very restless.....I don't understand with so little sleep why I can't lay still.....I felt good most of the day...but a fight between my wife and daughter got me upset....They really go at each other ....My wife gets very verbally abusive with our daughter.......It is very sad....I got very depressed...and angry inside..I hate it when she talks to her this way it is so childish.....It is 3:10 a.m I'm going to lie down and try to sleep......................

quitting marijuana

2007-05-26T16:01:00.000-07:00

I finally fell asleep at 3:30 a.m. and slept until 10 a.m..... It is 4:00 p.m. may 26th and I feel really tired I feel like I could take a nap.....I'm not going to and hope that I fall asleep before 3:30 a.m. tomorrow morning....So far the anxiety is letting up and I don't have indigestion today...I'm still having vivid dreams.....I'm hoping soon I will be feeling normal again....I did do some exercising today I've been trying to exercise a little every day.......Some running, and push ups....

Marijuana

2007-05-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Marijuana is physically and mentally addictive.

Why did I start using marijuana

2007-05-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

When I was 14 yrs old...I said I would never smoke marijuana....I remember my brothers and sisters getting high with there friends and thinking how stupid they were....I thought they were crazy...I did not have a lot of friends and always had anxiety....By the age of 15 I wanted to fit in....I remeber my sister telling me how un cool I was and how cool it was to smoke pot...she is 9 years older than me...My older brother talked me into getting high at about 15 yrs of age...I got really stoned...By ninth grade there was a lot of peer pressure to fit in with the kids I thought were cool....Boy was I wrong about what being cool was...I know now that being cool is studying hard, being there for your true friends...The ones who would let you know that getting high is not cool....I was such a nerd and did not realize how great it is to be a nerd or a geek...I did not have good social skills or interpersonal communication skills so I drifted to the kids who accepted me because I could score good pot for them from by brothers and my sister....I remember spending two weeks with my sister and her boyfriend who was a big drug dealer in the bay area...They got me stoned all day and all night for two weeks...They had a lot of money and friends...I started thinking that I wanted to be like them...I wanted friends and I wanted people to think I was cool.....Once I started selling pot I thought wow I fit in I'm cool....I learned how to play the piano so I could be in a band...I met a lot of people who got high...I was feeling pretty good about myself. My anxiety became numb from all the pot smoking...I was feeling great....I still had difficulty with my interpersonal relationship skills with my friends and the opposite sex....But I was in a band and I got attention that way...By the age of 20 I was smoking one ounce a week...over a 1/4 lb a month....of really good pot...I was stoned out of my mind...My only friends were pot heads....All the girls I liked dumped me....And the ones that liked me I had no interest in...I really was an asshole....No reasonable girl was going to have a boyfriend that had a terrible personality and smoked pot every two hours...I could not hold a job so I started my own business....Fortunately that was one thing I was reasonably good at...I don't know how I did it being stoned all the time, but by then being stoned was normal for me.....I met someone who could put up with me and I got married...Life was good...I started making new friends who did not get high and I decided I wanted to be like them....I quit cold turkey.....Within two weeks of quitting I began having horrible anxiety attacks....I was almost unfunctionable....I was scared I was going to die...My life went from reasonable to horrible...I thought over time I would get back to normal...A year went by and I still had horrible anxiety...I began smoking pot again and regained some normalcy to my life but I still had anxiety attacks...Years latter I decided to quit again, but this time I would slowly cut back until I felt I could quit without going through such sever withdrawals and anxiety.....It worked this time I felt normal.....I still had anxiety occasionally and depression, but it was not like before...after 6 months I thought I could get high once in a while and I would be fine...The problem is that I'm addicted to marijuana and just one joint made me feel so great....I started slowly smoking more and more until I was up to an once per month far less than before when I was smoking over 4 ounces a month, but I was older and my body just couldn't handle it like when I was younger......Well hear I am 45 years old and I'm quitting again for good....I have to for physical and my mental health.....I have a 13 year old daughter and I do not want her to find out I smoke pot.....I decided to go back to college a year ago and get a degree in teaching.....It was hard studying be high....This is it I'm looking forward to a new life.....Drug free....

Marijuana addiction

2007-05-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

For people who use marijuana only on a daily basis quitting can be very difficult....
Withdrawal symptoms for me are physical and psychological...I can't sleep....I'm starting to get headaches...I get indigestion..I can't believe how difficult this is....My dreams are so vivid and intense. When will I feel normal again? I've been taking Valium to help ease the discomfort.. I've tried prescription sleep aids but they do nothing....I'm so tired and frustrated.

Quitting Marijuana

2007-05-25T00:55:00.001-07:00

It is 12:30 a.m.....The first night of my blog. I hope this blog helps pass time......It will be an interesting diary for me....I started the process about 7 weeks ago....The first week I smoked 4 joints a day. The second week I went to 3 joint a day. The 3rd week I went to 2 joints a day. The 4th week I went to 1 joint a day....The 5th week I went to 1/2 a day......That is when it started getting very difficult.....The sixth week I went to 1/2 every other day.....I became miserable....I'm on the beginning of my 7th week I'm still at 1/2 every other day..... I can't believe how hard this is on me....I really want to quit....but the last time I went cold turkey I got anxiety so bad my blood pressure went through the roof, 170/110...I felt worse then when I was stoned all the time.....I really regret starting back up again after the last time I quit which was 6 years ago....

Quitting marijuana

2007-05-25T00:51:00.000-07:00

The most difficult thing in my life....